Ok so perhaps writing is therapeutic, as a fellow blogger mentioned a while back. Personally, I prefer writing with pen and paper, and scribbling whatever thoughts that come to mind. I remember I used to write stuff all over my agenda book, throughout junior high and high school... and even now in university, but not as much; stuff like little du'as that come to mind, reminders about some personal goals, and sometimes even detailing events that happened that weekend or something. It's nice. Alhamdullilah. If you were to crack open any of my old agenda books, it's like a trip down memory lane. And most of the scribbles will start with, 'Ya Allah!! Please...' or 'MUST FINISH OR YOU'RE A GONER.'

I don't know why I just wrote about that, but oh well. I kind of don't like this type of therapeutic 'typing'. First of all cuz I can't admit anything too personal, which in the end defeats the purpose. And second, I'd really much rather live a private life. Or at least a local one. And thirdly, I think the physical act of writing is half the therapy.

I wonder then, really, what iS the purpose of this blog? I can't really say much, cuz in reality I don't really share my personal feelings with people I don't know. I only started to share with my closest friends recently, by peer pressure from Nusraat who tells all and then wonders why I don't do the same. Or Qamer, who also started to question that back in high school. And then when Najma, my bhabhi, moved in... weLL!!! We would always have these intense conversations that would last for hours and I mean, how in the world could I avoid sharing stuff then??

Obviously I have stuff on my mind that I feel like just LETTTTTINGG LOOSSSEE right now!! But I don't want to tell anyone!! I thought of calling up some of my friends, but it wouldn't make any difference really. I think this is the time when you feel like just reading qur'an or praying, doing some personal reflection, making du'aa here and there. *sigh*

Yah.

I will reveal one thing though, that I'm extremely worried about:

My dad alhamdullilah is a very patient man, and alhamdullilah he's also very healthy. But a series of events lately has actually FINALLy gotten to him, and he's depressed. SubhanAllah. I've never seen my dad depressed... none of us have. He's usually a fitting image of health and whatever comes our way, he's still... abu. You know? Unaffected. And for those that actually know my dad, you all know what I mean when I say 'abu'. Loud, weird and funny at the same time, absolutely harmless, complicated yet simple, and just like... my dad. That's all. But now... he's quiet most of the time, he won't really say much unless he feels like venting, just small talk. And the other day, I caught him sitting at the kitchen table with his forehead in his hands.

It's not a good sign. I don't want this to start a whole decline in his mental and physical wellbeing now... cuz this is honestly the first time ANY of us have ever seen him like this. He talks to his friends on the phone though, but in truth, I think it just stresses him out more. They're not really his real friends. They're acquaintances, that mostly ask him for favours and whatnot, being the big community serviceman that he is. MashaAllah.

I know I'm largely to blame, but....

And you know?!?! My whole life I've been confused by my own opinion, my friends' opinions, my parents' opinions, my brothers' opinion, my family's opinion. Even my own opinion doesn't seem valid to me.

I don't know. But I think I've revealed more than I planned, more than I wanted to reveal that's for sure. What I really wanted to share with you though is the ahadeeth I read through the other day, thanks to Diana who forwarded it to me. :P So here it is:

Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr [Radhi Allahu anhu : May Allah be pleased with him]:
The Prophet (SA) said: The supplication (du'a) which gets the quickest answer is that made by one distant Muslim for another.

-Reported by Tirmidhi and Abu Dawuud.

Safwan ibn 'Abdallah reported, "I visited Abu Darda's house in Syria. I did not find him there but Umm Darda was present at the house. She asked, 'Do you intend to perform Hajj during this year?' I replied, 'Yes.' She said, 'Do supplicate Allah for us, for Allah's Messenger (SA) used to say, "The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence is accepted when he makes a supplication for khair (good,blessings) for his brother, and the
commissioned Angel says, 'Ameen wa laka bi mithal (May it be for you too!)".
He (Safwan) said: I went to the market and met Abu Darda and he narrated a similar report from Allah' s Messenger (SA).

-Reported by Muslim and Abu Daw'ud

and...

Hafiz Dhabi relates from Umm Darda that Abu Darda had 360 friends in faith (brothers in Islam) for whom he used to supplicate. His wife asked him about this, he said:
"Should I not long that angels supplicate for me?"

I always make du'aa for others but didn't know about that bit. Neat hunh? Alhamdullilah. But anyways!! Please make du'aa for my dad, for my parents, my family, my friends, their families, myself, and inshaALlah, I pray that the Angels make the same du'aa or an even better one for you as well. :)

Take care, wassalam.